are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
