If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
