last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
