i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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