You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
