If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
