Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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