Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
