Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
