you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
