she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
