I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
