i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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