Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
