3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
