Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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