Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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