I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
