you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
