am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
