I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
