I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
