So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
