Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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