if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
