She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
