I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
