All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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