it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
