Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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