How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
