Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
