you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So vagazzling was a success
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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