sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
