True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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