It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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