omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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