My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
