when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
