i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
