I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
