I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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