Nicole vs. Life
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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