In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
