Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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