Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
