So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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