So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
