I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
