I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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