I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
