Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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