oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
