Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
