I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
