OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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