"it" just moved
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
