We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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