You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
