Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
