I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
