I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
