sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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