Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
then he tried to convert me to islam
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
