Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
