Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
