So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize