some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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