so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
