you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
