??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
