How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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